dixy land

I never thought the words “forced resignation” would apply to me! Especially at a job like mine. I guess I should just run with it.

“So, I heard you were forced to resign?”

“Yes. My methods were deemed… unsound.”

My life has taken a lot of unexpected turns lately; after such a long period of stagnation it is pretty surprising, but I am nearly always genuinely surprised when something non-disastrous happens.

Right now things are frightening, exciting, and exhausting. But I’m happy.

I never thought…

Barack Obama makes me wish that I wasn’t such an incurable cynic. That’s actually saying a lot.

I hate my mom for making a cake and I hate myself for hating her and now the cake is depressed and can’t understand why it should be hated simply for existing it’s not like it asked to be born into this world of Chocolate frostings and Caucasian consumers.

Don’t name your dog anything you can’t yell without losing any and all dignity you may have had. My neighbors named their dog Scooby Doo, and I don’t know if you’ve ever heard anyone repeatedly and angrily scream the words “scooby doo” unless you spend enough time walking around late-night bus stops in Chicago, but it’s not flattering, to say the least.

Please don’t ever ask me to fill in the blank ever again. I’m far too good at it and hardly ever right. That’s three ever’s for those of you keeping count. Four now. So you know I mean it! And it’s about time you start taking me seriously. I could burn this whole place down, you know.

I hate the feeling of dread. I hate dread with or without the conjoined feeling. Dread is absolutely never a positive thing. Fear can save your life. Dread never will. Dread is a bit of a dick like that. Then there’s irrational dread. Just rational enough to stick around in the bottom of the pot. Especially since that cunt never cleans them. Were I a betting man, I’d bet that dread never occurs for her. Forks can almost always be used in place of knives and if they can’t then it’s probably not worth eating whatever that is — unless you’re absolutely starving. Hey. You’re not clairvoyant. Why’re you so Goddamn convinced of it.