but make no
mistake,
there was never any single
simple
thing about it
set in stone.
it was always
up
and
d
o
w
n
with them, like
the all of us

and we believed
because it
was all we could do;
we believed
because
we so longed
to

at least, until he
left, saying
“you’ve lost
every bit
of  what I
ever
loved in you”

And I believed you.

I baked my  first chocolate cake ever and forgot to take a picture. What the hell has happened to me?

It almost feels like a betrayal, a sin even. Although I don’t know if I could take it that far. After all, we sin because we believe in it, right?

(There’s a shadow over us now, and I can no longer see his eyes)

Like staying up until 1:44 a.m wasting time before finally beginning to study for tomorrow’s final. And like waking up, going to school, going to work, coming home, getting online and repeating it all the next day. And like saying goodnight to someone on the phone then laying awake in bed for hours.

Yes everything around here is starting to feel so overwhelmingly old.

And nah, we’re not alone in this world. We may be alone in this life, but we are not alone in this world! The quicker you get that through your thick skull the better.

See, what I always liked about you best was that you were never a phase.

“So, I heard you were forced to resign?”

“Yes. My methods were deemed… unsound.”

My life has taken a lot of unexpected turns lately; after such a long period of stagnation it is pretty surprising, but I am nearly always genuinely surprised when something non-disastrous happens.

Right now things are frightening, exciting, and exhausting. But I’m happy.

I never thought…

Is it that I look and come off as trustworthy? Hm, probably not. In fact, it’s probably that I come off as someone who’s very afraid. You know, too much of a coward to get up, walk to her stuff, get her laptop and make a run for it.

Who knows.

…And it’s not like I want to see her dead, I just want to see her fall.

Say hello to Patrick, the second of of our plush-children,wearing Scott’s new cute emoesque glasses! He’s a cutie and I miss him, but he’s keeping Scott company in Illinois while we’re far apart.

Is it September 19th yet?

Guess which one I am? The girl of course, but only after arguing over it for like ten minutes. (Kidding!) He thinks he makes a prettier girl than me though. (Not kidding! And he totally does, I have proof) but I know how to make my outfits match better so pffft.

 

And a few taken by me while on a mission for new glasses & cheap drugs to Juarez, Chihuaha, Mexico. Apparently there’s a lot of angry people there right now, people are dying and there’s soldiers with assault rifles everywhere. Still an amazing city to photograph though, as always,

Peace.

I suppose that in theory, I should be afraid of descending into big black holes like this one. And I am afraid, really, in theory, but it’s funny how when you’re actually there following a path that was built for you, and when you’re surrounded by people also descending into this big black hole it really seems like no big deal.

Sort of.